Let’s all take a moment to STOP SUCKING.
Because seriously? It isn’t funny anymore. People suck. They suck the bag. And not just other people. I suck too. But in the last couple of weeks, more and more suckage seems to be going on all around me and I’m thinking I’d just like to take a break from it for a little while. I’d like to declare a moratorium on sucking.
Not sure how to make it happen? Not to worry. I have a few specific suggestions:
Parents of my Lovely Friend With the Piercing’s boyfriend: please stop sucking. Stop making Lovely Friend feel sad and stressed out. Stop being mean to her. Stop dropping in at her house with no notice and trying to get your son to break up with her. Apologise profusely (directly to her) for calling her all of the following: selfish, manipulative, bitchy. Get a clue and realise that she’s just a little shy. In other words, be nice. It’s easy. Stop sucking.
Internet People: please stop sucking. Stop using your blogs to spew out bizarre passive aggression. (Oops, I should do this one too.) Stop being trolls. Stop throwing nearly every aspect of your life and art online, and then complaining when anyone shows interest. In other words, stop effectively going “Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!” and then whining and getting angry when anyone actually looks closely. In other words, get over yourself. Stop sucking.
Kiss Ass Classmate of the BFF: please stop sucking. Stop kissing your teachers’ bums to scrape up better grades. Stop stealing the BFFs ideas. Stop building your self-esteem by taking down everyone else’s. It’s school, okay? It doesn’t matter. The intense level of competition you’re fuelling isn’t going to get you anywhere. Make a friend. Join a team. Offer someone else encouragement. In other words, wipe that poo off your nose and straighten up. Stop sucking.
“I’m Waaaaay Too Busy” People: please stop sucking. ‘Cause first of all, you’re not. You’re not “too busy”. You may be somewhat busy, even very busy, but you’re not too busy. So stop pretending you are. You’re also not that important. Consider spending less time on spa visits, shopping, movies, nose picking, and Friends reruns, and you might feel less stressed. Alternately, you could stop whining and showing off about how hectic your life is and, oh, I dunno … get shit done. Think about it. And while you’re at it, stop sucking.
Parents of Small Children (Particularly 7 Year Old Girls): please stop sucking. Realize that childlessness is not at all related to intelligence/capability/busy-ness. Stop treating the childless like students/free baby sitters. Appreciate the people who give up their time to provide your largely spoiled children with fun and special experiences. And if your problem is that you just resent everyone with the wherewithal to buy condoms, try to suppress. Please. Please stop sucking.
There’s much more suckage that I could mention, but I think you get the picture. No more sucking, guys. Let’s all just do our best.