I’m a Brownie leader. (Tawny Owl, to be exact.) I’m on my third cycle of girls, so I guess I’ve been doing it for about three years now. And I like it. I really like it. Because when small children pet your hair, call you pretty, tell you you’re fun, and fight over who gets to sit on your lap (even though no one is actually allowed to in this day and age), it makes you feel pretty good. And when they tell you they “love love love Brownies” and that you’re the “best bestest leader ever” and that camp is their “favorite place in the whole wide world, except that mommy isn’t here” that’s even better.
But today … today I do not want to be Tawny Owl. Today, I want to be plain old bitchy me, staying home to watch Top Model instead of spending two hours in a dusty, stinky school basement with a mess of screaming, sticky children. I don’t care how cute they are.
It’s not their fault, the wee ones. It’s not their fault that we’re working on the “key to the living world” program component. It’s not their fault that my “rainstorm in a mason jar” keeps coming out fog. It’s not their fault that when I try to filter muddy water through play sand in my kitchen, instead of coming out sparkling and clear like it’s supposed to, it comes out even muddier than before. It’s not their fault that I just got blood everywhere after slicing my finger open on an old tin can (which we will be using tonight to “have fun with dew, fog and frost!”). And it’s certainly not their fault that it’s pouring rain, and 40 cases of cookies aren’t going to fit in my car. Ever. No matter how soggy the cardboard boxes get. And yet, at this very moment, I blame them. I blame the small children for their tiny attention spans and hands-on learning bias. And I want to squash their little heads. Or at least tell them to read quietly and leave me alone.
Sigh. It’ll be fine. They’re seven. So I could pretty much show up at the meeting with nothing whatsoever planned and they probably wouldn’t know the difference. But I want these stupid weather science activities to work! And they’re not working! And it’s because the stupid weather science websites lie. Stupid weather science. I hate you.
Way to set an example, Tawny. You are such a role model.